Relationship Crisis

Annie and Rick had been married for 7 years they met each other in college. Annie was studying Nursing while Rick is learning Physical Therapy. Rick saw Annie at the library and was love struck by her beauty and sweet smile. He talked to Annie invited her for a meal at the University cafeteria, became friends, dated for 4 years until they graduated college, both got a job and decided to get married.

Like any other couples, during their wedding you can see their happiness and devotion for each other. They were very much in love. They dated for five years before deciding to tie the knot. They always tell their friends, how lucky they are to have survived the different problems they encountered when they were still dating.

Jokingly Annie said,”They are not just good medical practitioners but also good dancers.”They used proper medicine and dance steps to solve their issues. She taught their marriage is already resistant to any major problem.

Five years later Annie and Rick are still together but Annie is no longer bubbly. Both of them had been very busy with their jobs and what’s noticeable is they don’t have any children yet. When asked by family and friends, how’s their marriage, Annie will just simply say, “We’re okay, we’re just busy and enjoying our job.”

Annie keeps telling everybody that her marriage is okay, deep inside her she feels something wrong. She is in denial and she refuses to acknowledge the signs of a relationship in crisis which is already evident in their marriage.

Annie loved her husband so much and she valued her marriage. She’s afraid that if she talks to her husband about the issues that’s causing her troubles, he might hurt her and get mad. One day, Annie asked Rick if they could go to a fertility clinic to consult if there is something wrong with their reproductive system.

Rick was so upset and he got really mad, blaming Annie for not getting pregnant, accusing her of thinking that he might have a problem. Rick told her that he prefers to solve their problem without any third party. After that Annie just stop asking Rick about anything or sharing her concerns. They talk about their jobs most of the time.

Sometimes Annie felt angry but she keeps the anger to herself. On the other hand Rick just ignored Annie’s negative feelings to avoid confrontation. They are very good in avoiding conflict. Their friends described them as a peaceful and compatible couple. They agree to each other all the time. Is this normal? Do you really think Annie is right? Their relationship is okay because they never argue with each other.

Annie and Rick’s relationship is typical. There are couples like them who are expert in handling their negative emotions toward each other because of fear of hurting each other that may cause break up. However couples like Annie and Rick maybe successful in hiding their anger from each other but they are slowly distancing from each other.

This is a condition where a couple needs to wake up and face that their relationship is in crisis. What are the clear signs that Annie and Rick have a relationship in crisis?

  1. Annie and Rick didn’t realize they are living parallel but separate lives. Why? They’ve been married for five years and yet they haven’t any children. That’s a serious problem to any couple especially if the woman wants to have her own child.
  2. In order to maintain a peaceful relationship Annie agrees to Rick all the time without expressing her own ideas or feelings.
  3. Annie and Rick didn’t resolve their outstanding problem. It was left unsolved even if Annie suggested a concrete solution. Rick didn’t listen t and refuses to discuss the issue he got made.
  4. Rick blames Annie about the problem and doesn’t accept that part of the problem concerns him as well.
  5. They talk about their job but not their personal concerns which cause distance.
  6. They lack intimacy, romance and sexual desire considering the fact that they‘re afraid to share each other’s feeling because of fear to hurt each other.

If your relationship is like Annie and Rick’s you must take the right action before you head to a more devastating trouble. What should you do? First stop the denial and face the truth that no matter how you avoid conflict, your relationship is still vulnerable to a major problem. Support each other and be willing to discuss on possible solution. Avoid pointing fingers and blaming each other or blaming your spouse. Rather than telling your spouse to shut up, encourage each other to talk, and share your deepest thoughts and feelings. Listen, respect, and understand each other. Keep your hearts open for each other.

“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”
–Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Problems in relationship will always be around. You might be good in avoiding them but you must understand that there are problems that can’t be avoided. You need to face it and solve it properly. Leaving a conflict unresolved will lead you to a situation that you might regret in the long run.