Avoiding Conflict Destroys Relationship
You know there’s a problem in your relationship but you disregard it. It’s not a big deal, that’s what you say. For you discussing issues with your partner will just create conflict. Is it better to just leave problems un-discussed without taking any action?
Yes, it is true that when you don’t discuss the problem there’s no fight. But do you feel better about it? At the back of your mind you’re itching to tell your partner how you feel and how an issue is bothering you. But you choose to keep quiet and let it go because of fear. You are afraid you might hurt her, and the worst it might escalate into a big fight.
You should realize that avoiding conflict will eventually destroy your relationship. Why? According to America’s Love lab expert Dr. John M. Gottman, side stepping difficult feelings block emotional intimacy.
Think about it…by not discussing the important issues that matter to both of you doesn’t give you the chance to know each other deeper.
The worst case scenario is for you to wake up one morning and say, “I’m no longer in love with my partner.” You don’t want to fall in that situation so you must stop the conflict avoiding behavior in your relationship.
If you refuse to change that behavior you will suffer:
- Emotional Distance- if you refuse to communicate your worries and needs to your partner because you don’t the relationship from an awkward situation, you’re also denying yourselves to become more intimate.
- Loneliness and Boredom- Instead of developing a healthy and happy relationship your relationship becomes un-exciting and you crave for some action and change which lead might lead to:
- Infidelity- the lack of intimacy in your relationship would lead you to become unfaithful and find that it from someone else where you can comfortably share your inner thoughts.
- Break-up- issues being set aside and unresolved will just pile up and eventually push you to just get out of the relationship. The problem had gone too big and you no longer know how to deal with it. Your last resort is to just part ways.
Obviously, inaction to problems is not the best thing to do to save your relationship. You must face and discuss the issues and your worries with your partner. Communication is very important to bring you closer and build the intimacy in your relationship.
If in any case during your discussion you felt it’s becoming awkward, try:
“A kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature, to stop words when speech becomes superfluous.” – Ingrid Bergmen